Love me, love me not, love… Me?

Expressing love has become quite a phenomenon in language usage and adapting the usage of the word to express all sorts of emotions. Significantly, and alarmingly when you stop and think about it, the range is rather wide and versatile, adapted to use in an extraordinary assortment of ways. Of course, and potentially the most poignant, is ‘I love you’. However, the ‘you’ that love is being expressed to has undergone a shift to excess of usage; it has become perfectly acceptable to express love to who ever you please. Not to mention that outrightly declaring love to any and everything has metamorphosed to being completely natural, routine even.

Customary usage of ‘love’ is no longer only preserved to communicate love; the intimate, literal, absolute version of love. The origin of love that is expressly according to definition is no longer the prominent usage of the word; the term, exclamation, reference had the result or an adapted theme of variations, which was probably a release from the intensity of wanting to express affection, or a useful reference to express something adored, and more some.

The result seems to have landed us all in variations on the theme, which hasn’t ending up quite as useful as what was originally quite likely supposed to free us all to express our feelings and emotions of love more easily and casually. It seems to have remained as precarious to declare our adoring love as before, with the addition that exclaiming love of, for example, a friend’s new shoes can be communicated with the same passion as love for another’s opinion, or just absolutely loving the current style. More confusing, is when what a person is saying or doing or wearing or driving is entirely, thoroughly expressly loved, nevertheless, is the person themselves conclusively loved?! Surely that would go without saying? Unconditionally? The answer is never assume. That despite the definition of love, once upon a time, beings so comprehensively articulate of passionate adoration, now words, on all accounts, are used exhaustively. Knowing something to ultimately be as one wants, seems to be reliant on instinct, regardless of one’s extensive comprehension of language.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

The Human Race is generally quite chuffed with itself. Indeed, if review of our extensive existence; not the version of since the beginning of time, and you are under the impression that was only a couple of thousand years ago and transpired from Eve’s inability to resist an apple, rather our evolution over hundreds of thousands years, and a little more technical transcendence. Nevertheless, technicalities aside, it is rather exciting and a quite remarkable natural process, Human’s ability to work it all out, solving survival, successfully pulling of preservation and developing considerably complex Beings, and then some. Interestingly, regardless of our birth being a religious phenomena or evolving within a scientific theory; the development of communication, specifically written, is under a worldwide amiability(a somewhat loose concept, but a variety of theories that are relevant here), namely the more uniform abstraction of electronic written communication, and the inescapable demise of language.

We could hold various courses of transformation accountable, but that can lead us into a murky, defensive, arrogant discussion identifying and defining how and why we are where we are, and quite frankly? WTF?

Acronyms and abbreviations were the useful and sanguine adaption of language for efficiency, and required a tad of intelligence, or at least awareness… And then… Text was born. And embraced by the “youth of the day”, and thus imagination, in the origin, gave birth to creative and intelligent versions of expressing oneself. Both being ingenuity and resourcefulness devoured by the young minds having been, and will continue to be the source of the now melange of the creation of communication.

However, in collaboration with the internet, the evolution of text is like an unruly brainchild. Quite literally born from the babes mouths, and tapping digits. In retrospect, Because it was so childlike, and lacking logical, expressive communication and being absolutely void of a mode of myriad definitions, it seems it spread viral. As in via the internet, which married teens to inarticulate expression, and the bells only started to sound alarm when it became apparent that self expression by a scarily majority of the technological world, and thus the now seemingly the second preference to engage in communication, conversation, is reduced to having became senseless or irrelevant or both. LOL.

Thought Full of Words

I love to talk: chattering time away, serious discussion, efficient explanations, eloquent descriptions sharing stories, ideas and history, and every other opportunity I can imagine. However, this last year or so has shifted my basic ability in conversation (my vocabulary) significantly. It is not that I lack the thoughts themselves, it is verbally expressing them that pains me. I feel very frustrated and very alone having lost this connection with others. It is remarkable how fundamental the exchange of words, even just a few, has a role in relationships, underpinning the essence of all them in one’s life. It is often discussed how the power of the love, the emotions, between people is above and beyond words, which is an element of the truth, nevertheless what of the emotions that rise as a course of a lack ability to express with words? What of the desolation that arises with even writing to express one’s self; one’s ideas, one’s theories, one’s experiences, even just one thoughts? Where does one begin?!

To be able to allow all of those thoughts free is a powerful and refreshing process by just starting at the beginning of describing and sharing the little things. Avoiding and sliding around the pressure of using specific words, be freed of the constraints that arise when trying, of feeling compelled, to use specific words. Feeling inhibited in the joy of discussion of interesting and important ideas, not to mention feeling stifled, is not fun. Being constricted to chatting inane things is one thing, but feeling so overwhelmed trying to think how to write, and with what words, can be solved by starting at the beginning, and allow the thoughts be described simply. Thoughts will flourish! Confidence will embrace, and inspiring will flow. Just begin with the little things.

How Now Brown Cow

I must say, when something comes to pass in an event that your whole entire life, your world, your thoughts, your perspective are all significantly affected; that everything is topsy-turvy and… different. Being different to before creates the suggestion to simply assume that there is no other way to battle through but to enjoy the adventure. When wonkiness is a suitable description of me, myself and my life, there’s nothing to lose, but to strap in, buckle up and be prepared for anything because it’s going to be one hell of a ride!

The ‘event’ that catapulted me into this particular adventure was a very-nearly-ending Car Accident on 5th of January, last year, with Simon (then Fiancé and now Husband!) at the wheel. I was in the passenger seat. And unbelievably, asleep, unbelievable because I have honestly very, very rarely slept in cars, and so, asleep and amazingly, Simon had put my chair back. This combination has most probably saved my life.

Lying back gave me enough space to avoid being totally crushed by the roof, and asleep meant that my body, all my muscles, were relaxed, which meant that the impact was much less brutal than if I had all my body braced.

Although I avoided being completely crushed, the impacted was extreme in the smash. Nearly all of on my left side was affected. I cracked and broke my left hip, fractured my spine in several places, fractured and broke 5 of my ribs, seriously smashed up and breaking in my left hand, twice cracked and broken in my left shoulder, one of those was my clavicle and overwhelmingly, I suppose, was the significant impact smash on the left of my head, so severe and resulting in various injurious ways. Therefore, in a straight forward description: Brain Injury, and my left ear canal being nearly completely(meaning 75% lost) damaged.

Remarkable, huh? Added to the kismet of sleep, therefore relaxed muscles, and chair back giving me saviour for my head, being about half a meter lower than normal: I have nothing scarred! I’m very serious. Literally, a little scar that is so minute that I wasn’t even aware it existed until a couple of months ago. The Gods, in my perspective, are on my side!

As one can only imagine once understanding that there is rather an extreme variety of curiosities, reflections, alterations, differences, observations, and wonderments amongst even more other odd imaginations, and a mixture of jostling reactions. It is important not to overlook injurious utterances or indications; nor skip, jump or hop past the unravelling of my quirky opinion or unexpected points of query! I really do think, actually ,that I should be attempting to match the intensity of both the staples and the unique or unusual tendrils which are equally riddled by not only the mundane or mysterious forms that are winding, webbing and threading my existence ingeniously; match within and express with my words. Thus, why not just liberally use my instinct as a compass, and therefore guide me; to engage just with a thought, or propose an idea, perhaps air a theory, or even exhibit a memory, or possibly just a shadowy grasp of a story. So, quite naturally, this is a multitude of everythingness in all this variety. I am in pursuit to tangibly exist, just to be and breath this intriguing essence so fully that I shall be able to simply group under ‘Any and Everything’ from in my Wonky World every day.

Who do you think you are?

Part of my amazing adventure as been guided by the importance of the process of being, learning, discovering, determining and connecting with me, myself and I. It has incredibly been absolutely fundamental essence: trust. An essential and significant element that has rippled throughout my healing process from any and every aspect you could imagine and, equally, the unimaginable. There has been all the odd bod moments, nor overlooking some of the obvious ingredients, and not to forget the aspects that are seemingly self-evident, simple and straightforward, run-of-the-mill, the normal and everyday formula of life. Consequently overlooked or misunderstood by many because they are so common place, outside of their concept of reality. Nevertheless, the precious people committed and determined to help and support me, have bravely ridden this roller coaster unconditionally with love, with me.

On reflection of myself, I can only suppose that my unique ability to perceive, my quirky intellect, my unusual capacity in thought and passionate tenacity have all been compassed by the overriding inclination of my mind to accept, imagine and consider in rather an extreme fashion. Moreover, what can only be fortuitous seems to have been my assumption that I would completely heal and be back as much me as before.

It never occurred to me that I wouldn’t find me, nestled in myself as I felt I was, albeit it would be after quite a feat and therefore I would be an evolved me; myself and not only nestled, but grounded. Being under the impression that despite it being intensive and rather challenging it was just a matter of a progress. Unfolding within myself; refreshing my memory, exploring my mind. Almost as though reliving my life in experiences, and in learning, and in creating; and accepting the trial and tribulations that had been quite brutal first time round were unavoidable in the process of reconnecting with myself.

It is therefore quite notable that it would seem that the my journey has been guided by trust. Completely being supported, protected and encouraged by those that I trusted and was safe to be in their hands. Surrounded by lightness and laughter, infused with love and energised with confidence. And therefore a consequence, trusting me. Unequivocally, unconditionally trusting me, myself and I. Therefore, who was I? Who I am? It was just me. The same self I’ve battled and won and supervised with for ever and beyond. Fought with and tackled myself, often brutally, nevertheless, not to forget the fun and the celebrating to be. I have strived to be the best in me that I had considered acceptable. I assumed I was the same me that I have believed in, and had survived so much and so many moments before the accident. So it seems it has been another round; another cycle, another stage. Therefore the additional wonky element and all the junctures present of this revolution has determined the development of me. It has seen me being so surrounded by love, and supported to be, that that is who I have been, just a wonky little version of me in progress just to be.

Home is where the heart is…

When our new home fortuitously landed in our lap, only a couple of days after learning life at 380 was abruptly coming to an end, it could only be determined as kismet. Notwithstanding our year, nearly two, of fun, joy, hilarity and happiness in that apartment it did become apparent that the writing had been on the wall. The life in that home had become prosaic, attempting to ambitiously overcome trials and tribulations with another couple had become, well, rather tedious. To realise that the positivity that had once been had been exhausted, used up and frittered away; it had been wasted by the others and languished, draining us equally and as much.
To our delight, our new home really is a home, sweet home for us. Perfect for our needs now and exuding genuine, confident energy, abounding with possibilities for our own selves to regroup.
Part of the warmness and embrace of a home is the essence of love. Love is so wrapped around happiness, or perhaps happiness entwined with love that a newly wed couple are undoubtedly heavenly, dreamy in their own little world of happiness in their home that is their own; just theirs!
However, interestingly, the people who we generally rely on; sometimes quite heavily, sometimes demanding, often assume their permanence, know their opinions and, equally those who we would equally give, say, do for is friendship. In actual fact, social relationships are rated as the prevailing powerful source of our happiness. We exist inside these relationships: who we are is evidence. The imprint of our identity upon us, equivalently from us, our confidence is entrusted amongst us, spirituality make sense and feels certain. True friendships have a lovely lightness; somehow above giddiness, and a resilience of fact, facts that push and pull the emotions. Perhaps consider it as a buoy in our being, our existence.
This last year has been quite a hell of a year, quite frankly, and despite our perseverance with wayward housemates, despite some realities of life and despite the fun and adventures we have been tackling, and tackled by, we have really, truly missed our friends, the loved ones.
So we decided to celebrate life, love and laughter in our new home having a lovely little gathering because our friends belong in our hearts. It really has been timely for us. We have been ready and able to reconnect with our dear friends, genuinely and honestly delight in their company, enjoy their tales, laugh at their jokes, listen to their stories, but in reality, to just have a good time to kick off 2014 with festivities and happiness.

When in doubt, Sing!

It’s a funny, wonky way, really, if you find that you are thinking about it. Which is why that’s not really wise. What to do? Just sing. Think not about why. Indeed, think not at all. Accept the unexpected advice, and see what you come up with, in fact, best to just assume anything and everything are rather interesting, and imaginatively open your mind so that anything that crackles, snaps and pops up has room. Uncertain? Dabble In trust and assume confidently instead. Express pass right by possible doubt, anything disguised; or hiding, potentially lurking: instead be brazen, why not indulge? That in this wonky, quirky surprisingly melodic moment, you will realise that indivisibly, but wholly, that the whole caboodle really is quite miraculous, yes, surprisingly wonderful, but unearthly. Superior. Therefore consequently… you. Your reality, your existence, your actuality and your identity are somehow pure existence, and equally, are somehow unconditionally essential. Seemingly both a reflection and an origin of entirety, equally as well of wholeness. And, and?! Indeed: uniquely being all, and uniquely defining oneness.

Wow! How..?!

Of course. Doubtlessly sneaky, creaky, pesky thinking has been pressing you, and yes, possibly stressing untowardly. What to do? What to do?!

Reflect. I suggest even pondering. Quite possible. Indeed, of course. Remember. Just be, oh so thoughtful.